Author Archives: the11oclockdiary

“..and then, when you grow that old, you will realise that you are no one and have zero control over anything around you. Whatever and however things run and happen, they all happen in their own way.” We sat around the dining and gazed at her 69 year old face. We were meeting her afterContinue reading “Rant 285 : Lo and Behold!”

How do you coin a term for the first dream of the year?Or let’s put it across this way,How do you coin a term for the first person who rules your dream on the 1st sleep of the year? Till the time this keeps you guessing, I wish to share this weird thought that comesContinue reading “Rant 284 : Who are you?”

“So, how many hours has it been? I see you are stuck to your smartphone since morning and it’s already 3 noon, how long will your laps last?” My sister taunted and moved on. I looked at the clock and saw the time. 2.53 pm. It was less than an hour for my next assignmentContinue reading “Rang 283: The addiction and the addict”

To, Myself of 2020. Hang on! How is it there? Feels like kinda humid, doesn’t it? I know right, before I start sounding like a bully from the future to you, let me just tell you something a little warmer in this cold of 2020. Though this year would feel like the worst you haveContinue reading “Rant 282 : A letter to myself”

I always mostly laughed upon people who were my parents age or a little younger than them, when I was a kid. I would have an entire class of students as an apparent close group of friends and there were these adults who would barely have 1 or 2 or atmost 3 people as theirContinue reading “Rant 281: The crooked tree”

When you let life take its course and you calmly wait for life to bring things to you and then keep choosing and checking the best opportunities available. This is how you can look back and smile at your own life. Once a week, a month or thrice a year – the frequency depends uponContinue reading “Rant 280 : Walk past your past”

“there was this, wonderful thing with her – I mean, she would just look at the ceiling this way and …”, and he paused for around 10 seconds. We three kept looking at his silent face. His lips trying to bring his nostalgic drought to normalcy. His eyes trying to look for the spot sheContinue reading “Rant 279 : The Frozen Nostalgia”

I often think that the world is a weird place. Weird enough to make you a creep. Weird enough to break and shatter your planes of trusts and faith. Weird enough to make you an anti-human. Now, anti-human is a big term – but there are reasons I say so. Your survival on this earthContinue reading “Rant 278 : Keep up and Survive”

Every day is such a surprise. Big surprise. When one wakes up in the morning, little do we realize what kind of night is deemed to turn up. When we sleep through the night, our senses are unaware of whatever is going to come along the next dawn. Yesterdays seem obvious, while tomorrow is uncertain.Continue reading “Rant 277 : The tomorrow is cruel”

When you keep hopping from one person to the other, from one place to the other, from one work to the other – you do gain a lot of experience – some bitter some sweet, but majorly those that you gain while trying to re-prove yourself. Every new situation, every new person, every new friend,Continue reading “Rant 276: This is difficult and so is life”

Dreams fade faster than they come up. Days, when you start realising that it’s time to pack up. The script is closing and your part in the play is coming to an end. There are mixed feelings-always. Firstly, a feeling of relaxation from the immense pressure you act under and secondly a feeling of remorseContinue reading “Rant 275 : The fag end of the play”

Life comes infront of us in all forms. Sometimes as funny as Chaplin, sometime a gruesome fighter, somedays as a superhero saving us from hurdles and someday with an expression whose judgement is difficult. Such situations come more often than we all desire for. The fun part is when the waters increase beyond perception, weContinue reading “Rant 274 : Run, Gauge and Stop!”

“Have a good day dear” “Have a nice day” “Good day” “I wish you a great day ahead” Why do we wish “goodness” to people for their upcoming day/tenure? Whenever someone greets me for a good day, I do think for a second- though I never react over it. It is akin to gifting aContinue reading “Rant 273 : Have a good day?”

Most of us voyage out of our homes at an early age – for education, for career or just for a better future. While we all move out, we leave a whole world behind us – the childhood world, the safe home, the surroundings and nearly everything nostalgic. When we end up at a newContinue reading “Rant 272 : The world around you”

What is it? I remember from my childhood – instances wherein, I used to have light stomach ache and my parents would ask me, “what is it?”, “where is it that you feel the pain?” and most often I would locate some point on my little tummy and indicate the pain. My locations were notContinue reading “Rant 271 : What is it?”

  What would I be? Heard this question ever, from within? Or heard it in the form of what would you be, if not this? The very idea of imagining what “might” have been is always exciting and gives a respite from the mundane daily thoughts. It brings that degree of uncertainty within the thoughtsContinue reading “Rant 270 : Could vs Would”

Rush. More rush. Panic. Adrenaline. Even more rush. More adrenaline. Closure. Future Rush More plans for future rush …. What now? What does an athlete possibly think once they cross the finish line? To rest, to feel happy about it? “So what was your thought, as you crossed the line or more so, as youContinue reading “Rant 269 : From finish to the next start line”

It wasn’t that late, yet I was rushing back home.  Peddling as fast as I could, I would have been cycling at approximately 18 kmph, which is quite some speed for a bike. I could barely feel my feet as they went rolling with the pedals in some strange harmonious manner. Felt as if theyContinue reading “Rant 268 : Head in the ceiling fan goes rolling”

“Where are your friends these days?”, the priest asked the kid who stood like speedy motorbike stopped by a sturdy wall. “Their holidays are over”, he replied while he slipped away from the priests as if it was hazardous to stay there. These kids were quite known in the premises of the temple. Every dayContinue reading “Rant 267 : The proxy stone”

This is a continuation of the Rant 245 : The dilemma of the lama – 3.  Read it at the below link. https://the11oclockdiary.home.blog/2020/03/29/rant-246-the-dilemma-of-the-lama-3/ It was the third day of the conference and Doc, climbed up the dais. As the crowd cheered and clapped, Doc took his position behind the mic. He moved his right handContinue reading “Rant 266 : The dilemma of the lama – 4”

They said everyone was here for a role, they said everyone here had a purpose. What is it? Yes, there is a purpose – but who tells me what it is? Where do I go asking for it? A temple, a municipal office, the parliament or the UN? Who tells me my purpose? A doctor,Continue reading “Rant 265 : Do what you’re good at.”

“Sir, can I please discontinue?” he said. He was taken back for a moment. It was just a month that he had started his training and his very first student was now turning away. Right after he asked this, Dr Sen was caught in a limbo. Should I ask the reason behind the decision? ShouldContinue reading “Rant 264 : Facilitating the quitting”

You can be anything in this world, but invincible. Life is not a one-way ladder, wherein you keep cruising ahead. It can go either ways. Life keeps throwing juggles time  to time, to  test us if we are at all in the league, where life wants us to be. While you might be handling andContinue reading “Rant 263 : The small bullet kills you”

“Hey, listen it wasn’t my fault, you’re clearly misunderstanding me.” “No, I am done with all this crap, you said what you had to say”, she blasted him on his face. His fingers nerved, he typed his reply rather hastily, “Listen, I can explain this to you, It was not what you thought it meant.Continue reading “Rant 262 : One, two, three … zero!”

I am a star. Yes, I am a star. A star you cannot afford. Life is not unfair, it’s just consequential – what you sow, so you reap. But sometimes, things from the adjacent house come towering over when you and that happens when the winds are terrible, when the sky is dark and whenContinue reading “Rant 261 : I am star!”

“Don’t shout this around, please. You know about it and that is fine for me now. No more publicity. Please”, I begged him while we walked towards the café. “Dude, isn’t this worth shouting and collecting people on? You’ve got a worthy job and I believe it is absolutely fine to let our peers knowContinue reading “Rant 260 : It’s pretty to be silent”

“Why do you keep doing this? Please don’t make it way more difficult now, I’ve already had enough”, she walked away after she was done speaking her heart out. There he stood, tongue in cheek and lost amidst whatever she said. “I’d lingered around her more than she could bear, probably the reason…” he thoughtContinue reading “Rant 259 : Social Distancing”

“What will be the song for this year?”, she asked “Come here, I will show you the song. I don’t want to play that loud.” “Dude! Why this?” I truly had no reply for her question. I told her that I was not in a situation where I could explain the worth of that song.Continue reading “Rant 258 : Why I conceal my choices”

Why don’t we talk anymore? Did you ever give it a thought, why you stopped talking to someone just at one moment in particular and then made up a vow to never do it again? What makes you take such decisions out of the blue? Is it ego or is it the sourness that emergesContinue reading “Rant 257 : We don’t talk anymore”

Alone. The amount of subjectivity this word contains is enthralling. You can be silent and quiet inside a room and call yourself alone. You can be amidst 4-5 people and yet call yourself as alone or feel lonely in other words. You may at times, even feel that there are instances wherein there is aContinue reading “Rant 256 : Not all lonely are alone!”

“I wish to go back to college”, he said. “But isn’t your college over now?” “Yes, but I wish to go back. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. It was so sudden, just a mail one day and we had to vacate. What about the farewell parties, what about the last late nightContinue reading “Rant 255 : Cease to lag, Keep flowing.”

Notifications dropping down fast. 100,150,200,250,300 and so on. Amidst all, you try searching that one person. Don’t find? Never mind – keep waiting. It is this hope that keeps us alive. Why do we want to share things with the ones, whom we are “not supposed to” share with? What is this special craving withContinue reading “Rant 254 : The bubble within”

“Would you care less, if it didn’t work out?” “What?” “this thing between us both..” “why do you think it wont work out..?” “No, I was just asking.” “Don’t be a jerk, lol” “No tell me, will you be indifferent to all of this if that happened?” He held her hands and looked straight intoContinue reading “Rant 253 : The Impressionables”

When at the top of the trajectory, even if for a moment, you wish to shout out for one last time before descending down, who are you shouting for? The air, the clouds, the trees, the world? We sometimes want to shout out in the loneliest of places, with absolutely no one around – forContinue reading “Rant 252 : Did you listen?”

So you feel successful now? A little puffed up – maybe? What about the glamour  that surrounds henceforth? Is it okay? What if all of this didn’t really matter in the first place? When you reach the apex, wind speed surges multifold and the routes become narrower and vulnerable. At heights you cannot walk inContinue reading “Rant 251 : The realm of Success”

Thirty rupees. A 20 rupee note and a 10 rupee note. Enough for a day? Maybe, I don’t know. I feel it’s a little less. But I remember a chapter from my physics book –Relativity. Relation between two or more objects changes if you change the frame of reference and the position of the viewer.Continue reading “Rant 250 : Who is priviledged?”

“Just when you wish, those things in the deep sky will turn red and then blue and then white”, the angel said. “What are those, metal sheets?” “No!” And by this time, my eyeballs rolling over and over again – I was visually rushing through what they called a ‘cineshot’. I ensured I did notContinue reading “Rant 249 : It’s not a dream”

For some days, different than all the others, I really want to rush back to that “everything”. Which was a small world of happy utopian situations. Everything looked picture perfect, not an inch placed wrong. Not that I miss it terribly, but I lament the fact that there is no going back. Out of allContinue reading “Rant 248 : A situation, whose time has come”

We all do love talking about the great and good times from our lives. Maybe to a family, to a friend or a general acquaintance and sometimes even with absolute strangers. Reminiscence of good times gives a special feeling of nostalgia and relief. It is akin to opening up an old album of pictures andContinue reading “Rant 247 : The choked faucet”

How do you gauge how painful failing will be? How do you estimate, how badly broken your soul will be if things don’t work out? What does it mean to be crushed to the earth? For everything that comes or is poised to come in at some point of time, you can atleast make oneContinue reading “Rant 246 : Chew long”

Have you ever experienced a tsunami of emotions? Like you be okay and all sound one moment and then suddenly something happens and that pricks you like a needle and you spring up – and then hoards of emotions from all the three dimensions of time – present, past and future come gushing in. TheContinue reading “Rant 245 : May the Force be with you”

There are some people, some places and a few moments – that keep acting as your diffusers for all times to come. You don’t need them to be with you alongside always. Just a brief moment of association is also more than enough to savour things for life. Whenever life sucks you in deep burrowsContinue reading “Rant 244 : Diffuser”

If not always, why do we (most of us) miss home in the most desperate and traumatic moments? Why does nothing else comforts us more than our home when things take an evil turn? These questions are not philosophical ones, rather they need a very objective approach to think why things like these happen. TakeContinue reading “Rant 243 : Let’s make home great again”

I had 3 guns, 80 ammo and 3 more points to be captured. I was running in straight without a fear. The run was familiar and I knew precisely where the hideouts were. It was only a matter of time that I would reach the zenith of this track and then the ultimate challenge ofContinue reading “Rant 242 : Just another chance”

Twice an hour, multiple hours a day, many days a week and multiple weeks a month, we find ourselves stuck in a severe storm of failure. Sometimes meager and often strong and damaging, these moments of failures pull us down and throw us in the deep pit of hopelessness and despair. It’s in these darkContinue reading “Rant 236 : Deciding in the dark”

What makes two people fight? What makes you and your special one fight? What makes you stand across your parents, or your siblings or spouses? If you could boil down the entire gamut of issues between any two individuals or a group of individuals, in all probabilities, it will come down to the deadliest 3-letterContinue reading “Rant 235 : The case of Ego”

“Lets not make a big issue out of this now, we are both adult enough to understand what to do next. Lets stay in touch, but not this way – a little less.”, she said. “What do you mean by less? How less? Do I see you or I don’t? Do I talk to youContinue reading “Rant 234 : Where does your LESS lie?”

“And I am tired. Tired within. Not that I don’t want to prolong my fight, but I think I must call it a day now. I am not one, but many. There are many personas within me and one of them has now surely come to a screeching halt. Maybe it is an act ofContinue reading “Rant 233 : The heavy load within”

How much of silence is enough? Or bearable? How much of it can you sustain? How long can you remain silent? Silence is known as the antidote of chaos. It heals people, situations and complex processes. It can bring calmness to the most highly entropic systems. If carefully utilised, it can well be way dangerousContinue reading “Rant 232 : Sush!”

Do you listen to people who advice you? What is that one factor that makes it easier to pay heed to the advice? Is it the person? The situation? The will? The innate desires? I don’t know. You probably won’t know it either.  It is very difficult to point out one specific thing. “I amContinue reading “Rant 231 : The (im)proper advice”

 “and 3 more packets of bread.” I packed in the 3 bread packets in my bag and moved towards the bus stop. I hit the second turn to the bus stop, when I realised I had forgot my wallet there at the shop. Worried and petrified, I rushed back to the store. I reached theContinue reading “Rant 230 : The bread shop on the 4th street”

“Are you guys there already?” “Yea, where are you? We’re all waiting for you and prabhu to be here. Come on quick man!” one of my colleagues replied on the colleagues group. I opened his contact privately and asked him, what the exact occasion was, so I could take a gift appropriately. He told meContinue reading “Rant 229 : The Second Chance”

There are a few things outside the purview of judgement. You cannot judge them on the basis of worldly philosophies, they are abstract. You cannot make a verification, you cannot justify the intensity and cannot, for sure, shut it down at the behest of a pressure. Not quite eternal, but surely not earthly. Every singleContinue reading “Rant 228 : “..and the mark, will never die””

Hot dry desert. Yellow ochre earth that mixes with the saffron horizon with and merged with the similar sky. Smell of bullets and gunpowder all around. Distant sounds of shelling and intermittent LMG’s (Light weight Machine Guns). I can see a small tent like structure some 100 meters away, but crawling through the sand isn’tContinue reading “Rant 227 : Looking for a refuge”

Sure about that “One”? Who is that one person, who will be around you for the whole of your life? In all your happiness, all your sorrow, without conditions and without any expectations? With you, whenever you fall, whenever you rise by your endeavour. Not demanding one thing, simply be there with you all theContinue reading “Rant 226 : Find the “One””