What makes two people fight? What makes you and your special one fight? What makes you stand across your parents, or your siblings or spouses? If you could boil down the entire gamut of issues between any two individuals or a group of individuals, in all probabilities, it will come down to the deadliest 3-letter word ever – EGO.
How do you deal with it? What is more important – your ego or the person who are in conflict with? How to deal with the thin line that divides Ego and self-respect? How do you know when to go mum and stay quiet? How do you know if that even works? To answer all these questions, the only way is to ask your inner conscience. Only you and you alone can decide upon all these questions. Once you decide between your ego and the person-in-conflict, thereafter, there is a mantra that can help you minimize or bring your ego down to zero.
Once you are done deciding that you need to calm down the situation, remember one thumb rule – When two people with ego levels E1 and E2 interact, their combined ego is always equal to the product of their individual ego. How can we visualise the product? Take the product to be the combined anger that you both attain at the peak of your quarrel. This ego product pushes you both to an even higher level of quarrel and pushes you off the grounds of patience and dialogue.
Taking this expression mathematically, you will realise that even if your individual ego values are of the range of 100, the combined effective ego range will be 10000, which will be 100 times the ego levels your both can personally bear and this is where you both will lose it. So what is the solution to this multiplication? Any amount greater than 1 will only amplify the situation. An amount lesser than 1? Is that the range you must be looking at?
The moment you are in a scuffle where you desperately want to end the sequence of quarrels, just remember the clash of ego’s is a multiplication process. The moment one of the two brings their respective ego below 1 or takes it to zero, the effective ego begins to decrease. The lower you take your ego, the lesser the effective ego will turn out to be. If any one of the two, brings their ego level down to zero, due to the product nature, the effective ego will turn out to be zero.
This might seem complicated at the first read, but this is precisely what people have been doing since the last so many years. Whenever there is a fight or a quarrel and you do not want to escalate things further, one of the two shuts down – stops quarrelling. The other one begins to descend down the ego ladder and gradually after some time, the quarrel subsides. But the moment, you start fighting back with anything greater than your regular ego, the fight escalates.
Your ego = E1,
The ego of the person you are in conflict with = E2
The effective ego product = E1 x E2
If ego lies between 0 to 1, E = Self-respect
If ego lies at 1, E = peak of Self- respect
If ego becomes more than 1, E = EGO.
If, 0<E<1, it is safe.
If E=1, it is still safe, but at the brink of danger.
If E>1, a conflict situation. Bring it down to 1 or below as soon as possible.
If the fight increases, bring your ego, E1 =0,
Hence the Effective Ego of the conflict, becomes, E1xE2 = 0 and the quarrel subsides.
Always Ranting, Rantzaada.