Every day is such a surprise. Big surprise. When one wakes up in the morning, little do we realize what kind of night is deemed to turn up. When we sleep through the night, our senses are unaware of whatever is going to come along the next dawn. Yesterdays seem obvious, while tomorrow is uncertain. When we look back, it feels like whatever happened – was bound to happen.
But that is mostly our human ego trying to satisfy its own intelligence. Neither of us ever had an idea a day before yesterday, about the things which were about to happen a day after. What are these future forecasts for? What are these sun signs and constellations for? What does a tarot tell you? What does the crystal ball say?
Without going into the science of these instruments and methods, let us learn to agree on one common ground – all the methods to peep through tomorrow are meagre tools to satisfy our own internal wishes and fantasies, fears and apprehensions from within and the doubts and the enquiries we would have always wanted to make in our lives.
“But, we knew this was coming, didn’t we? Why did neither of us ensure distance, if we knew that all it will lead to is a chaotic tomorrow?”, Nishita said.
Praveen kept looking at her through the screen of the phone as if her words slapped him through and through. It was something, they were both aware of- but neither of them took their steps back. Minutes of interaction turned into hours, hours into days and days into weeks and within a few weeks, they both felt as if they had a full control on the tomorrow.
“Umm, yea. We did know. I never realized it would be that tough to step back. We don’t form relations this deep, this quick – do we? Just been 5 weeks, who would have thought it would be so so painful?”, Praveen replied.
Both of them looked at each other for a minute. A pair of eyes staring into the virtual imagery of the other pair some 600 miles away. The eyes did all the talking. Their lips wanted to speak and free their minds. But the lips are a little restricted with their expressions – they need words, syllables and tones. Eyes do this much easily. Heavy hearts, misty eyes and trembling lips- wanting to speak, but zipped.
“I need to cut off and leave now Praveen. I am really not sure if this is the way we must end this. I am really not sure of anything right now- not me, not you, not anyone. I just want things to get back to normal and I don’t see that happening, if we keep talking around. Lets call it a day now. We both need to stay happy and content with our own lives. It is tough, but, take care Praveen. It was really really good ….”
She kept speaking. Praveen kept starting at her through the screen while she kept talking across the end. It was as if, he had to choose what to do- to hear what she said or just to look at her face for as long as he could. He realized a little later that she had stopped talking and was expecting a reply from him. He mumbled something which he couldn’t feel himself.
They cut the call. He disconnected the mic from the tablet and lay down on the bed. Right beside him were two tickets to the annual folk festival which they had planned to visit tonight.
Tonight. Today ruined the tonight.
We will never know. Praveen did not, so did Nishita. Neither will you nor I.
The tomorrow is cruel.
Always Ranting, Rantzaada.