Category Archives: Uncategorized

“And I am tired. Tired within. Not that I don’t want to prolong my fight, but I think I must call it a day now. I am not one, but many. There are many personas within me and one of them has now surely come to a screeching halt. Maybe it is an act ofContinue reading “Rant 233 : The heavy load within”

How much of silence is enough? Or bearable? How much of it can you sustain? How long can you remain silent? Silence is known as the antidote of chaos. It heals people, situations and complex processes. It can bring calmness to the most highly entropic systems. If carefully utilised, it can well be way dangerousContinue reading “Rant 232 : Sush!”

Do you listen to people who advice you? What is that one factor that makes it easier to pay heed to the advice? Is it the person? The situation? The will? The innate desires? I don’t know. You probably won’t know it either.  It is very difficult to point out one specific thing. “I amContinue reading “Rant 231 : The (im)proper advice”

 “and 3 more packets of bread.” I packed in the 3 bread packets in my bag and moved towards the bus stop. I hit the second turn to the bus stop, when I realised I had forgot my wallet there at the shop. Worried and petrified, I rushed back to the store. I reached theContinue reading “Rant 230 : The bread shop on the 4th street”

“Are you guys there already?” “Yea, where are you? We’re all waiting for you and prabhu to be here. Come on quick man!” one of my colleagues replied on the colleagues group. I opened his contact privately and asked him, what the exact occasion was, so I could take a gift appropriately. He told meContinue reading “Rant 229 : The Second Chance”

There are a few things outside the purview of judgement. You cannot judge them on the basis of worldly philosophies, they are abstract. You cannot make a verification, you cannot justify the intensity and cannot, for sure, shut it down at the behest of a pressure. Not quite eternal, but surely not earthly. Every singleContinue reading “Rant 228 : “..and the mark, will never die””

Hot dry desert. Yellow ochre earth that mixes with the saffron horizon with and merged with the similar sky. Smell of bullets and gunpowder all around. Distant sounds of shelling and intermittent LMG’s (Light weight Machine Guns). I can see a small tent like structure some 100 meters away, but crawling through the sand isn’tContinue reading “Rant 227 : Looking for a refuge”

Sure about that “One”? Who is that one person, who will be around you for the whole of your life? In all your happiness, all your sorrow, without conditions and without any expectations? With you, whenever you fall, whenever you rise by your endeavour. Not demanding one thing, simply be there with you all theContinue reading “Rant 226 : Find the “One””

In such times of global crisis, staying fit mentally is another big challenge. With scores of jobs and colleges shutdown and opportunities being hit in every part of life, it is everyone’s duty to keep up the morale of people around us. Very soon, we will be out of this and even sooner, running backContinue reading “Rant 225 : A word to the 2020 batch (Guestpost)”

A rainy winter. A month and a half ago. 14 degree Celsius. I was inside my bed. It was raining heavily and it was around 11 in the morning. I tried to cover up the quilt on me, especially my face, because I could feel the chill on my face. When I pulled it over,Continue reading “Rant 224 : The warm palm”

“How much do you have?” “20” “I got 35, come on we can have 2!”, I was excited we had enough cash for a couple of plates of masala dosa at 25 per plate. Those were days when we would store those 2 rupee coins that we got every week for Jhalmudhi and multiple weeksContinue reading “Rant 223 : The fixed budget”

12:41 am “You did not realise but all I did for all these years, was to cheat you. All those lofty talks, all the cozy days, all those meals and dinner I cooked- all were nothing but pieces of bait to keep you hanging on. I knew it wouldn’t be logical to ask you toContinue reading “Rant 222 : The last text of 12:41 am”

Usual. 11 pm. I sit to type. As I lean forward, a drop of sweat, channeling across the troughs of my face, drops on the keypad. Thankfully, it dropped on the keys and not between them. Mid April, midnight, sweat! What does that mean? Summers. This is not just the coming back of a season,Continue reading “Rant 221 : Summer’s solace”

I see a dream. Myself on the shore walking towards the sea. I can hear people speaking behind me. Much noise. But it was calm towards the sea. Silence. Only the waves and me. Nothing else. As I keep walking towards the sea, there are a few people who are calling me. Probably stopping me.Continue reading “Rant 220 : Breathe in Water”

Did you misjudge? What went wrong? Did you already not know it won’t work out? Did you not enjoy the times enough to have good memories later on? Why do you have to be all frowned up once this happened? People ask questions. They will ask questions. It’s easy to witness the game from outside.Continue reading “Rant 219 : Did you misjudge?”

It was the third jury this semester and we were heading back to our rooms before we could just fall down and sleep. We were peddling our cycles at an unusually slow pace , fixing our heads on the front wheels of the cycles, with the shirt sleeves (which were decently tied full till now)Continue reading “Rant 218 : Date Yourself!”

What do see in a person? Thoughts, views, physical appearance, eyes or personality? Many of us would agree to one of the 5 mentioned traits. Some might say no, it’s the voice, or the walk. Some might say it can be the way they put themselves up. There are so many other things that oneContinue reading “Rant 217 : The explainable impression”

“Hope you feel better at home with your family. I will leave now, I need to hop on to my work now. Take care. See you.” She hung up the call after a long conversation we had after a long time. I could say nothing else but the usual good bye and take care. PeopleContinue reading “Rant 216 : The baggage of self”

No, sometimes it’s just not possible to uplift yourself up. Sometimes we all feel broken down, tumbling down and diced up and I know that is not okay to begin with, but not everything in this life is supposed to be okay in the first place. There are several emotions we can express and mostContinue reading “Rant 215 : “Do not cross the line””

Times change. They change terribly. One fine morning you can be in your most comfortable clothes in the most comfortable bed having a sip of the most refreshing coffee available and the other morning you can be stranded in an empty field with 300 passengers because your train derailed. You might not be having evenContinue reading “Rant 213 : Unpredictable in it’s ways!”

“Where are you? I am hungry! Either you’re coming back in 20 minutes or I will start eating rice the way it is!”, she shouted on the phone. Hunger. Panick. Longing. “Are baba, wait! I will be there in 10 minutes at max. Met a friend on the way.”, I replied. “See, people here haveContinue reading “Rant 212 : Curd rice makes peace”

Wall, do you copy? Ey wall! Happy birthday wall. Do you listen? Its been, umm, long time since we had a conversation. You there? Do you want me to sit down? Or just sit with my back on you? Ok, wait a minute. Ah! Yea, so now! Happy birthday wall. Worried? Don’t wish to replyContinue reading “Rant 211 : The anniversary of the wall”

Take the alley. Get close to the main gate. Open the gate and step up on the street. Take a right turn and walk straight for 80m and then take a right turn at the third right. Then go to the third house from the end and wait there. Turn left and look at theContinue reading “Rant 210 : The right turn on the 3rd lane”

This is a continuation of the Rant 245 : The dilemma of the lama – 2.  Read it at the below link. https://the11oclockdiary.home.blog/2020/03/28/rant-245-the-dilemma-of-the-lama-2/ Though his mental health deteriorated too swiftly in the past few months, he increasingly found a growing concern for the lady he was been attended by. He was forced to lie toContinue reading “Rant 209 : The dilemma of the lama – 3”

This is a continuation of the Rant 244 : The dilemma of the Lama – 1. Read the first part here. https://the11oclockdiary.home.blog/2020/03/27/rant-244-the-dilemma-of-the-lama-1/ He came out, in a towel and stood infront of the mirror that lay on the floor. A thin tall man in his 40s, ribs easily visible and the collar bones telling theContinue reading “Rant 208 : The dilemma of the lama – 2”

“Is it okay?” the counselor said. “I am here available for you anytime from 8 am to 11 pm on different channels – both on the phone and on the internet. Just give me a call or ping me whenever you wish to report some anxiousness. Is it okay?” He added. The counselor shook handsContinue reading “Rant 207 : The dilemma of the Lama – 1”

“Take care”, I texted her even though my fingers repeatedly told me not to. But I did. Tick. Double tick. Blue ticks. Damn. I never thought it would be so tough. And then came the toughest part. The typing.. Why are things so tough when you move past one or the other things? Why doContinue reading “Rant 206 : Over-rule”

It was a good pleasant morning at home. Around 7.30 am and I woke up and walked up to the few plants I have in my small courtyard. Among all the well-growing flowers and plants there was one which was stuck. It wasn’t just growing up. I had last seen it in mid-December and itContinue reading “Rant 205 : The withering plant”

“No! We will never know what it meant!” How many of us do actually wish to go back in some point of time and seek a few answers? The ones which haunt us the most. Which haunt you so bad that it simply takes out your mind and heart at a particular time of theContinue reading “Rant 204 : The desired ambiguity”

Read the first part here below: https://the11oclockdiary.home.blog/2020/03/22/rant-239-the-empty-frame-1/ ——— “They are wonderful, indeed!” I felt that he knew that I wanted to ask more about the photo frames. He looked at me for a few seconds after he said that. “What would you like to have – tea or coffee or milk?” “Thank you sir, IContinue reading “Rant 203 – The empty frame : 2”

“Are you there yet?” “Yea, yea just a minute, I am just stepping in. Will be there in 5 minutes.” I replied as I hurried into an old building, probably built in the late 1880’s in the later phase of the British era. I knocked on the door and was received by a lady inContinue reading “Rant 202 : The empty frame – 1”

What did she want from within the grave? The ladies thought. A set of jewelry for her post life endeavors? A set of expensive silk for her luxurious life in the heavenly abode? Maybe none of these. They asked the little female kid what the lady lying dead would want once she was back toContinue reading “Rant 201 : She wants a life”

Ok. So here this is. The 200th post. I started writing back on the 22nd of July. I was a little sick that day and the weird silence of the hospital rooms made me open the note application and write something on it. It was the first rant. I had never really thought of aContinue reading “Rant 200 : Let’s keep with the flow”

Its time. We received an email that people who wish to leave can leave. There is no stopping by the authority. All attendance and scholarship issues will be handled and the students are requested to take utmost care with their travel and shifting. It was a difficult decision, but my inner hunch suggested me toContinue reading “Rant 199 : Stayin Alive!”

Do you sit alone and hear 1000 words, right into your ears? Like someone is pouring in words and thoughts right inside onto your eardrums. You cannot possibly silence this by shut covering your ears. NO! That is not going to work. Never-not a chance. There is something peculiar about these thoughts or words. What,Continue reading “Rant 198 : My Angel’s hints”

“Why do we come here so often?” “Umm, I don’t know precisely, but it does feel good with you here and by here I mean, right here. This spot. Precisely here!” “Hmm..hahahah.. K. What now?” “Um, nothing. Just sit here, both of us and feel the breeze, the large lawn before us and just letContinue reading “Rant 197 : The SPOT fixing!”

What if I just ruin my life doing this?  What if there are just ruins and failure and disappointment at the other end of this dark tunnel?  What if I get bogged down by all the negativities I borrow from people when I make them smile?  What if  someday, I will be just craving myContinue reading “Rant 196 : Crafting the poison”

“We really hope you are able to this! We have put faith in your abilities and you must not let us down. We know it is a tough task, but so was your enthusiasm when you began this project. We expect you to keep up that same enthusiasm and deliver a good product this time.Continue reading “Rant 195 : Seeking equilibrium within the system”

What would grab your attention first? A smiling kid or a crying kid? A well off person travelling by his private car or the beggar by the street? No you are not supposed to do a deed for them or contribute or comment anything upon them. Just stay and say, which of the two willContinue reading “Rant 194 : The other option”

What does a burger kept idle for a long time turn into? A stale burger.  What does a plate of french fries kept idle for a long time turn inot? A fungus full of fries.  What does a battery kept idle for a long time turn into? An inactive battery. What does a mind keptContinue reading “Rant 193 : The wrong metric”

Theory: What is white? It is the presence of all the colors.  What is black? It is the absence of all the colors. Practical life: What is white? The absence of colors on a white sketchbook. What is black? The color you get when you mix all colors of your tube set.  Conflict much? ThisContinue reading “Rant 192 : The Theory vs The Practice, what changes?”

Ever felt terrible when too many good things happen to you at one go and you suck at it because you really wanted to stay low-key just normal and this surge of happening is kind of disorienting you from what you thought you would make out of this day? How does it feel? Lucky? Overwhelming?Continue reading “Rant 191 : The plain porridge”

A cat has nine lives- for the first three he plays, for the next three he strays and the last three he stays.  An old English proverb which we have been listening to for a long time now.  I feel sometimes, this proverb stands true not just for the cat but for almost all ofContinue reading “Rant 190: The tale of the parallel world”

“Is this overloaded, Narayan?” I asked our gardener while he trimmed the roses in our hostel.  “Not overloaded, but yes a little bit. It will be okay, I will just trim off the outer petals and it will be fine”, Narayan said while he started touching the rose making sure he did not point outContinue reading “Rant 189 : The loaded stem”

“Where’s the key?” “On the bed, right there. You go down and get the car ready, I will join in a minute” I took the keys and went downstairs. Took the cover off the car and wiped it clean.  Rolled down the windows so the stale smell goes off. Arranged the seat towels and theContinue reading “Rant 187 : How long is forever?”

Meeting people is funny. Meeting new people is funnier. Meeting old friends, the funniest! When you meet a bunch of old friends, like really old friends and after a really long time, it mostly turns out to be funny. Even if you happen to stay in some kind of touch over the online networks. ItContinue reading “Rant 186 : I wish for a minute back”

It is not always that we come across such days. Days when you face such conundrums of doing the right and the appropriate. The dictionary states that appropriate means something that is suitable and proper in the circumstances, whereas, right means being in accordance to what is good and just. The two sound so similarContinue reading “Rant 185 : Appropriate vs Right”

I walked through the office reception when I saw this guy sitting there, his head buried in his hands and sweat on the forehead. I went to him and asked him if he was okay. He told me he was fine, but just a little worried and tensed about the interview that he was hereContinue reading “Rant 184 : The forced vs The loved”

The receding waters. “Come here”“No, no. I an fine here. You do your stunts there.”, I replied. It was such a cool breeze at the not-so-wellknown beach of Pondicherry. We two and a few other folks. All I could see was the happiness on her face and her laughs. I had never heard her laughContinue reading “Rant 183 : The Receding Waters”

I woke up to a dusty Saturday. The door was open and there was a weird wind that flew into my room. With the first view of the day I saw lumps like cotton in my room at the corners. I raised my head up and saw the cobwebs above on the ceiling. I roseContinue reading “Rant 182 : The Silent Frog”

I left a vibrant road behind. A road which was not the one like I had been travelling on my whole life. But it made me feel happy. I enjoyed every bit of it and it made every bit of my journey memorable. None of it will ever be enough for me to go beyondContinue reading “Rant 180 : Devoid of Evocation”

“Whatever happens, happens for a reason” “Whatever happened will turn towards you something good” “Don’t frown too much, there are a million good things in this world to look upto” “Go out, see the world. It is beautiful” I really do not understand those folks who keep on torturing distressed people with their overly positiveContinue reading “Rant 179 : The Forced Geniality”

I keep reading of all these statements of how people seek solitude. Solitude from humans, from relations, from responsibilities and from constraints. Solitude from everything in life and staying in a zone where one connects with oneself. You can call it a hermit’s life or a bohemian life. This was pretty much the philosophy ofContinue reading “Rant 178 : The Bohemian Parody”

“Why is the room so dark?” “The light socket fused this evening, will get it done tomorrow. No worries, we just have to watch a movie anyways, we don’t need the lights. The cove is lit up anyways”, he said while I was still trying to figure out where the couch was kept. It wasContinue reading “Rant 177: Slave of the Iris”

Doing nothing.  Absolutely nothing. Yes, I do it. I can pull out 18 hours a day for a week or a month, I can act normal with an 8 hour shift, I can act like a punctual pal for an year, but sometimes – those few days, I sit idle. It is absolutely necessary sometimesContinue reading “Rant 176 : Sit Idle, relax.”

A4? No slightly less than that. Maybe something in between the A4 and the A5. Okay! Colors? Ofcourse, Oil pastels. I have dying to touch the pastels since a long time now. The one I got for me has 15 colors. F-i-f-t-e-e-n colors. Just the basic colors are ok, but then the real feel andContinue reading “Rant 175 : My colorful Monochromes”

Crippling pressure. Too much work. Stressing deadlines. Problem? Not much! Been there, done that. But that needs a lot of internal dedication and the will. The will that boosts you so much that you burst out of energy and optimism. The tough tasks start appearing like a roller coaster ride, where it no more fearsContinue reading “Rant 174 : Rise and Plod”