“Take care”, I texted her even though my fingers repeatedly told me not to.
But I did.
Damn. I never thought it would be so tough. And then came the toughest part. The typing..
Why are things so tough when you move past one or the other things? Why do people wish to leave from your horizon but still hover around in the atmosphere? It is the inherent wish to have them around you that keeps them there. Well, having people around may not be ultimately harmful, but the only thing it hurts and hurts badly is the scope of recovery or healing from within. This in turn hurts most not your individual life but the people around you who are incessantly trying to bring you out or change your life for a change.
“Yes.. You too!”, she replied. Now? What now? What should be done? Reply, view or just let it be? In such situation follow the inner instinct and not some thumb-rule. Because our mind does not justify thumb rules later when you seek justification.
“There?”, another text appeared while I was all ingrained in this thought.
“Yea, tell me”, I replied back.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing, sitting idle, you tell”
“Can I call?”
“Umm, I am trying to write a report for my guide. Can we do it later?”, I wrote back hesitatingly.
I felt a little bad while I sent the reply. I mean, I have faced the same tune that has broken me down in the last so many months and now I am doing the same thing again back to someone else. I know this is very very idiotic, but I am surely not doing this on purpose. I just cannot let one part of me overrule the other part of me and go on to do something else.
Our mind is an extremely toxic Pandora box sometimes. It just does not let you open up new scopes of happiness and joy. Many a times, forces you to stay within the pungent, small and dark box of memories that have killed you for more than long. Even when you wish to pull out after a long fight within, it keeps checking your actions on a balance. A balance of ethics and morality. Would it be right? Was it just about all this? Are you so weak? These questions keep haunting you. Haunting you till you crumble. Till things just cripple you to ground.
What are we effectively waiting to do things for? Recovery from an old habit or fear of falling to a newer one? Why is it so difficult to step out of the old rotten habit? Why is it so always against morality to skip off something which you were really focused on but could not attain it? Questions like these are tough to answer. Probably even tougher to think. But we will keep thinking. Lets keep thinking, thinking is bliss. From thoughts emanates actions and from actions churn out results and results bring thoughts again. So it’s a cycle and the cycle as a whole forms one of the most integral parts of the duration called life.
Always Ranting, Rantzaada.