Rant 228 : “..and the mark, will never die”

There are a few things outside the purview of judgement. You cannot judge them on the basis of worldly philosophies, they are abstract. You cannot make a verification, you cannot justify the intensity and cannot, for sure, shut it down at the behest of a pressure. Not quite eternal, but surely not earthly. Every single incident with such strings attached is a memorable one.

“Where have you reached now?” she asked.

It was 4 hours since I left her place. To come back? To keep her only in my memories, I don’t know! Every second, with the bus speeding, I was going away from her. A certain hunch in me told me we’re never going to me again. I was adamant to change what the hunch suggested. Why do inner hunches always have to be true? I will show that this one is going to turn false.

“Just crossing the state border, will reach Bengaluru by 10pm. Will text you when I do”, I made clear that I wasn’t comfortable talking to her at that moment. Every time she would write something, it would make me even weaker. I put the phone on flight mode and kept it back in the bag. I had never seen her so blank. This morning, I had planned to get ready by the time she would wake up, then meet her and leave. But to my surprise, while I walked to the terrace in the morning, she was already there.

This lady, clad in a thin shawl on a windy cool summer morning, was bereft of emotions today. Neither of wished to talk. I kept brushing, while she kept looking at me. I looked up and saw her watching me as if yearning for a solution – a solution to this what was then and what it would become later on. A few other friends also joined us the moment they realised it was time for me to leave.

“Can you not take the evening bus?” she asked softly as she stood near me.

“And then?”

“Stay till evening or maybe leave tomorrow morning?” she continued.

“Today, tomorrow or the day after, it’s going to happen. Let’s be strong and face it”, Unaware of what was to dawn on me, that I would be the one who would be weak on his toes for a long time.

We bid bye in the most unusual form ever. Just a side hug. I greeted other friends better. Something stopped me from looking at her face for long. Maybe that was meant to be. The last meet was planned to be short and brief, who knows! A long farewell meet would have caused problems for both of us.

It was close to 5 hours now and I was racing away from her. I could see her name everywhere – on shops, on buses. I could hear the song we both loved on traveller’s ringtones and in my head. It felt as if there was a hurricane in my mind where all that we accumulated in those few days was churning in the eye of the hurricane.

I reached my place some hours later. Kept my luggage and lied down on the couch. Took out the phone and put off the flight mode.

28 messages from her. The whole day.

“I could see your name everywhere – on shops, on buses, on newspapers and on the internet. Isn’t it strange?”

I did not get a reply for the next 3 hours. Waiting for the text, I slept. At around 3 am, I felt a buzz on my chest.

“This name will not go off from your life, not easily nor by an effort, it is meant to stay.”

It did stay indeed. Without a purpose, like the smell of a rose petal plucked off the flower and put between two pages. For years it will have the smell and when the smell dies, it will leave a mark.

And the mark, will never die.

Always Ranting, Rantzaada.

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