“..and it really never subsides”, I wrote the last line of the blog and closed the blogsite.
I don’t know why I thought writing was a perfect antidepressant. Writing thought-free, structureless, in it’s own flow and rigour, turns out to be different.
Does it cure? No.
What then? It provides you instant relief for some time. A relief from your mental agony, troubled past, half-healed mind and body and a lot of impending sinister memories. But are there other long term effects? Unfortunately, No.
How long before the pain subsides? Well, depends on what your reason is. In mathematics, there is a curve called the asymptote. An asymptote of a curve is a line such that the distance between the curve and the line approaches zero, as one of the coordinates tend to increase to infinity. I strongly see human tragedies as asymptotes to human age.They might decrease to a level where the external world stamps it as nearly invisible or ‘healed’, but it still never becomes equal to zero. It exists. All the time.
The only considerable thing that might happen to oneself, is that other curves of life might become so dominant at some point in time, that these asymptotes will gradually become insignificant. To an extent where oneself might find him/her healed. But these are illusions. You cannot see the lower curve, because there is a dominant upper curve and not because there is no lower curve. These phenomenon make people believe they are ‘over it’, whereas the truth is that the human mind is never really so fragile to let pain go. Pain resides and it resides much longer and much stronger than moments of joy.
“Life goes on, moments of joy come and go, but the innate pain stays and it really never subsides.”
Always ranting,
Rantzaada.
The 11 o' clock diary 