Rant 116 : The fault in our scars – 4

This post is a continuation of a series of Rant 114 : The fault in our scars – 3, Rant 43 : The fault in our scars – 2 and Rant 42: The fault in our scars – 1. It is recommended you read the series to have a better understanding of the plot. The link to the Rant 114 is given below which has a link for Rant 43 and 41 further.

https://the11oclockdiary.home.blog/2019/11/15/rant-114-the-fault-in-our-scars-3/

“Shut up and stop behaving like kids!” , She was really angry at me. She looked so beautiful and 100x more charming when she would sit by me and care for me and scold me..

“You know right, I hate medicines.”, I cribbed.

“Ok, so fine! Wow! I have taken a day off for this and this guy here doesn’t want to take medicines and get okay soon. Wow! Why I am I so stupid!”, her face changed to a pumpkin!

I laughed loudly. She wanted to go. She stood up. I caught her hand.

“Sorry!”, Ah, me and my puppy face!

“Achha, pakka! I will have those medicines. Are, a little bit drama I deserve no? I rarely fall sick!”, I tried to make her smile, but she was as red as ever. I realised this wasn’t working. So I immediately agreed to have the medicine.

“Will you nurse me now, or a sick guy will have to eat medicines by himself now?” I told. Finally she smiled and sat next to me. My fever must have gone down by a degree or two, I am sure. She sat, but did not say anything. Her smiling face suddenly frowned and started appearing froze.

“Hey, are you ok?” I asked. I put my hands on her cheeks and realised her cheek wasn’t soft as it used to be. She suddenly started turning frozen and her complexion turned greyish! She was turning to stone. STONE! I could see tears in her eyes. She knew she was dying. She wanted me to help, probably. I could not help but blabber. I wanted to shout. shout. move. stop her from converting to stone. i could not. just could not. Her bust fell on me. 

I woke up!

I was drenched in sweat. High pulses. I looked around. 4:34 am. The clock said. Ah, that was a nightmare! I sat, had some water. Put the thermometer under my tongue and waited. Waited. Waited. 

Her cheeks turning to stone still gave me goosebumps. Is she in some sort of a trouble? Why did she turn to stone in my dream? Is this why she is detaching herself from me? 2 years? It’s a long time! Has she really turned to stone? Is she crying too? Maybe she wants me to free her up! Maybe this is not a dream, but a hint?

103.8 degrees. The thermometer read. 

I laid back. Peeled out a medicine and swallowed it with a quarter glass of water. Eyes felt like they were on fire. I took the cloth, wet it and kept it back on my forehead. I lay quitely in that 9×9 room on a mattress aligned to an edge of a wall. 2 things shone in the room – a small lamp and my smartphone. It was a cold night. Very cold. I snuggled back into my quilt and tried to close my eyes.

Has she really turned to stone? Is she crying too? Maybe she wants me to free her up! Maybe this is not a dream, but a hint?

Whatsapp > New chats > X Nishita X Don’t Text X > Tap > ……. 

Typing… erasing

Typing… erasing

Typing… erasing

” 🙂 ” was all I could send. 

Single tick.

I went to the washroom. 7 minutes. Came back.

Double tick.

I was already repenting doing this by now. I shouldn’t have done that. But I cannot help thinking about turning to stone and those tears. All I had done, all these years was to ensure her happiness. Even when it meant going away, even when it meant sitting together in bus, talking to her, comforting her or wandering in her city and everything else. I have let go of my ego everytime because her pleasure and happiness felt way more important than all this.

Blue ticks.

I felt goosebumps. She must have read it. She knows it pretty well, I send 🙂 this when I have nothing to say but I am worried. I put off my phone and kept it at a distance more  than what my hands could reach and came back into the quilt and closed my eyes.

I fell asleep within a  few minutes.

I woke up at 8:10 am. I could barely move. I felt weak. Ah! I hate fever. Suddenly there was a buzz. A vibration on the phone. goosebumps. Was it her?

I reached out to the phone with much difficulty! I had tossed it far.

Pattern unlock > Whatsapp > X Nishita X Don’t Text X > Tap > .. 

let me go, pls. 

I locked the phone again and kept it next to my pillow. I felt I was burning. Burning with repent. Tears flowed from the sides of my eyes.

I felt like I was turning to a stone. Crying. 

Switched off the lamp. Closed the window. Went back to sleep.

 I could barely move. I felt weak. Ah! I hate fever.

period.

Always Ranting, Rantzaada.