I was sneaky. I moved in carefully. There were stains of blood everywhere. On the refrigerator, on the dining. My home had turned into a bloodshed cabin and it will be so until I fought my way out. My family was already slain and I was supposed to somehow come out of the house. As I was about to enter the courtyard, I saw a gun point towards me, I tried moving back, but alas! I couldn’t! I was shot, again.
Ah! This game. Dammit! I was stuck at this point. I would lose 3 lives precisely by the time I came in from my bedroom to the courtyard. Everytime. I again RESTARTED the game. I again began consciously. Same result. Frustrated I did not restart but closed the game and went out.
CLOSED THE GAME AND LEFT. DID NOT RESTART.
14 years hence.
I am in a room, somewhere far far far from my room. Where I miss my mom’s food and my dad’s “When will you come back?”. I am far away from my friend’s call at 4 pm to play cricket and the 5 am morning calls in the summer vacations. I miss all those. But they belonged to a phase. Even now there is a particular phase and every phase has to be given equal respect and joy.
But somehow at this juncture of life, you know, like somewhere in the 25-35, the mind is slowly giving way to more weird and juncture less thoughts. It has become easier to drool and become gloomy than to be happy for a long time. Life has taken turns wherein, you don’t know what’s up the next time. It is like that fearful game. You keep waiting for the shot, expecting it wont hit you and it does. But here, you cannot revive. Cannot restart the game. It is a one shot game. You get it, you’re done, you don’t, move on!
This phase of life is tough. Real tough. You are young and expected to deal with almost all problems yourself. But the decisions are not supposed to be taken all by yourself, you’re way too young for that. Solve the problem on your own and follow the decisions by someone else? Weird! Life.
I keep thinking of the events that have changed my life upside down and think what could’ve been the result or the consequences had those events not taken place. Or maybe taken place later or earlier?
You know, like choosing a particular college for your undergraduate studies. Say, that one extra guess you marked in your entrance exam which went right – +3 marks. Did it not change the way you took your life ahead? What if that +3 turned to a -1? A net loss of 4 marks and maybe you might have ended up in a completely different college or a completely different trade of study. How does that makes a difference? You might have fell in love with a different human, you might have ended up doing different type of drinks. You might have had different food preferences or hatelists. You might have had a different hairstyles and maybe different voice tones. Possible, no?
One small internship application. To a particular institution can change your life altogether. Lets assume you did not make that application to the given institution. Maybe you really lost out on something very very valuable. Or maybe you actually went closer to something very exciting.
The whole point is, Life in all its forms brings open different gates for us at every level. We chose one of those gates and then those gates open a plethora of other gates. The one which we missed or left, has to be forgotten and the ones we chose have to be accepted. Every thing that comes in your life, either comes for success or a lesson. So do not repent. Do not say, “I wish this did not happen”, or “I wish I stopped before I stepped inside this”. Maybe your smile last evening or the book that you got published last month and which made you freaking famous, was a result of that step!
Welcome life in all the pro’s and con’s that if comes with. Do not repent. Do not tell people who came in your journey, that you’d wished you did not meet them or how much you wish you’d meet them. What has happened yesterday has paved way for your today and the way you accept your today is going to pave your way to the future.
YOU CANNOT CLOSE THE GAME & THERE IS NO RESTART BUTTON.
So accept whatever came along with a smile or even a tear, no worries! But accept. Do not repent. It hurts you and everyone you’d been associated with.
Always Ranting, Rantzaada.
The 11 o' clock diary 